Loving Today

If you have been reading my blog over this last year and have followed some of my links, they may have lead you to families who are in the midst of severe trial and suffering.

At Ashley's Story you can read about a little girl who had a multi-organ transplant and then got cancer from the anti-suppressant therapy. Baby Noah, who has a terminal mitocondrial disease or Heather, a young mom, who has a brain tumor. Nate, who chronicles the days of his wife, Trisha, who has Cystic Fybrosis. Just as Trisha was being processed for a double lung transplant, they discovered the bittersweet news of her pregnancy. They chose to continue the pregnancy, knowing that the survival of both mommy and baby was 50%.

These are just a few. Many of the lives behind the blogs that I followed have found ultimate healing. And I have sat behind my computer screen and cried.

Often I’ve been asked if I knew the people behind those links. "No," I’d reply. Then “Why do you read them? They are so depressing,” was often the unasked question. So I took the links off my blog and have kept these suffering lives in my secret reading. But recently as I was sharing the story of baby Noah with a close friend, the words tumbled out—“What draws you to these lives?”

Written by believers, these blogs inspire me to marvel at strength in the face of severe adversity. I search my own heart…would I have such courage? And in cowardice, I ask if it is possible to protect myself from such an assault?

And I’ve come to believe I could have been protected,if I had so chosen. It is no better expressed than by C.S.Lewis in The Four Loves:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

Love is risky; vulnerability, riskier. However,these blogs teach me how to love with courage, prompt me to remember what really matters most and the brevity of what exists.

So I let Seth ride his trike in the house,and I say ouch only a little loudly when he runs over my heels. Juice spilt at the table is merely a nuisance or moon sand is just a pain-in-the-neck to clean up(although I did throw it out). I play tent when I have laundry to do or read a book when I should have swept the floor. I hug my boys tighter. I say, “I love you” more often.

This is not an eloquent answer, but it is sincere. Tonight I am adding these links to my blog space again. If you have time, visit a story or two. Let your eyes feel the sting of tears and ask God to allow you to feel more deeply so that you might love more fully. And be thankful for today.