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Roller Coasting


A few weeks ago, my sister and I went on a trip together just the two of us. I would tell you where but I haven’t told my kids because well, “normal” parents just wouldn’t go THERE without their kids…but then there’s Carole and me and …well, that’s all I’ll say about that. I will say that it involved riding roller coasters, which I learned that I HATE!

We began with a non-coaster ride where I sat in the front of a two-seat car. It circled but dipped and dropped –at my control. I loved it!

And so we moved on. We stood in lines and I read the warnings. I always read the warnings.
Guests should be in good health and free from high blood pressure, heart, back, or neck problems, motion sickness, or other conditions that could be aggravated by this adventure. Expectant mothers should not ride. This ride has a height requirement of 40 inches.

I considered, “Well, I have high blood pressure, back problems, neck problems, and I get motion sickness. But I am not pregnant and I am taller than 40 inches. Should be good-to go!

The ride, in the dark, I should add, ended in 2 minutes but my knees were knocking so badly I could barely stand up. “You did great!” my sister said, a little too brightly, as I made it to a bench about 6 feet away to rest. I “rested” while watching folks who were anywhere from age 5 to 80, sprinting out of the cars.

“This was nothing, no aversions or large drops, nothing," my sister tells me, bragging, I’m sure. She smiles again, “You did great!” “Just because I’m not talking doesn’t mean I’m doing great,” I growled in gasps.

The last sentence sums up how I feel right now. Moving from Kentucky to Georgia has been such a roller coaster of emotions for me and lately I’ve been feeling the “just because I’m not talking doesn’t mean I’m doing great,”part. You’ve shared this journey and know when I’ve had those high times and I’ve been candid when I’m down. And friends, I am down!

Maybe there’s a correlation here between my hatred of roller coasters and my perceived need for control. Maybe I hate roller coasters because I don’t know what is coming next and even if I did, I have NO control whatsoever over it! This move had placed me in a position so far out of my comfort zone, I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable again.

Last night was a lonely evening. David had the boys at basketball practice and Seth went to bed early. I wondered if Jesus felt alone—did he feel like me? A foreigner longing for home?

I think so. When God became flesh, which we so gloriously celebrate this time of year, he covered himself with the dust of the road and the tears of the people and took on our human-ness.

Sheila Walsh in All That Really Matters, says this:

God was saying, “Look at me. This is what God is like.”

God is not remote; he is here
God is not cruel; he is kind.
God is not weak; he is strong.
God is not indifferent to your pain; and he weeps with you.

My tears did not fall unnoticed last night. I take comfort in that and so can you. If you feel overwhelmed in the preparation for the celebration, take comfort in His strength. If you have a void in your heart because someone will be absent from your Christmas table, take comfort in His intimacy. If like me, you are lonely for the familiar and longing for a “home,” let’s take comfort in God’s guidance and goodness that sees beyond today.

Comments

Mary Ellen said…
Oh Amy - I wish I could give you the gift on Christmas day of feeling the familiarity of being home...my heart hurts for you.

I'm glad you blog about your true feelings and I hope it helps to know this old friend is feeling for you....
jenny said…
Very poignant, Amy. I've been worried about your health (hence my first comment on post above) and I'm sorry "home" is yet elusive in Atlanta. I so wish we could meet at Perkins for those waffles with banannas with whipped cream and pecans (I'd try really hard to be on time!!) and we could solve all the "Lila" issues in the world together. I got a smile on my face (actually it's a full blown chuckle now) just remembering the stories you'd tell. If you can survive that particular move...you can survive anything, my dear friend!
Kimberly said…
Good to read this tonight...
Sandi H said…
Amy,
I've been in IN and haven't checked on your blog in a while but since we are practically snowed in today - had a chance to read this. I once felt like you did about leaving KY when I left IN. God is good though because this morning I am longing to hit the road towards "home" in FL! Home is truly where your "heart" is and I enjoy visiting "home" in IN but love to get "home" again to FL too. And look forward to the day when I'll finally reach "HOME" for good! Know that you are thought of and prayed for! Thanks for being a great friend (even online) to my mom and me. Know that we are here for you too!
Sandi
Lisa said…
Amy,
Hope you are feeling better, I can relate to your feelings and pray that soon you will begin to feel home where you are.
Lisa
Amy, you have such a wonderful gift of writing - and not just writing, but connecting. Thank you! I've so enjoyed doing some "catch up" on your blog this evening!! I've laughed and felt like crying as well. I truly hope that with time, you will have more of a feeling of "home" there in Atlanta!!

Keep encouraged, my friend!!

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