I have fought with my bed all night. I finally decided that it was either the piece of chocolate cake that I ate right before bed or (since my mind seemed destined for one direction) that I should get up and write. So here I am desperately trying to articulate what God seems to have laid on my mind.
In Luke 24, two disciples were traveling to a village called Emmaus…and they talked together of the things that had happened. While they were talking, Jesus joined them but they did not recognize Him. Jesus asked why they were talking with such intensity and sadness.
Incredulously, one disciple asked how could He possibly not know what had happened (thinking that He must be a stranger).
Ironically, they told Him the story of the crucifixion and resurrection.
Several months ago part of this passage perplexed me. Verse 21 says, "But we were hoping that it was He who was going to redeem Israel…" Hoping. Another version says, "We trusted." I don’t think that I had ever noticed the past tense usage before. But I could relate. But never more than now since my recent illness.
"I hoped that God would…" "I believed that God…."
In my blog, I have attempted to lay my Christian journey bare before you and here is another example wherein I want to be crystal-clear. My days in the hospital (especially after the blindness in my left eye) were not days filled with faith, but with fear.
I am SO grateful that God has chosen to work miraculously, but it has nothing to do with me.
I was fearful. I felt like the days of service to my family were coming to an end and wished that I had appreciated each day more. I cried a lot. Not out of anger at God but now as I reflect, I see so clearly how Satan used my emotions to manipulate me toward self-pity.
I remember one night under such attack, I simply could not remember ONE scripture verse. Not ONE.
Many days, I had to relay on David to assure me that God had a plan and was in complete control. I distinctly remember sitting at the kitchen table after I had been dismissed from the hospital with my little hands in David’s large ones as he explained to me that it is only after the refiner’s fire that the image of the Refiner can be seen. Through my tears and broken emotions, I was absolutely certain that it was the face of Christ that I wanted others to see and not "Amy." I simply did not understand God’s plan.
Although I do not know several of you who have recently commented on my blog, you have graciously prayed and lifted me to the Father through this valley of my life -- and this victory of God’s restoration is yours to share, too. If I could talk to each of you, no doubt, you would have stories of valleys too, that God has carried you through. But some have believed (May I be so bold?) only to encounter disappointment.
As Jesus walked along that road to Emmaus, He said to the disappointed sojourners, "O fools, and slow of heart to believe!" My Streams of the Desert devotional asks this: " Are we not in the same danger of having these words said to us? We can afford to lose anything and everything if we do not lose our faith in the God of truth and love."
I cannot begin to understand the path that God has chosen for me. I am so blessed and yet when adversity and trials advance and I can see neither "see" His hand or feel His presence, I am tempted to say with sadness, "I trusted."
For many of us, this story is common place and we know the completion. "…their (disciples) eyes were opened and they knew Him…and they rose up that very hour and said…The Lord is risen indeed…"
I wish I could say that my testimony during those long, lonely days was, "I am trusting." But I think that my faith would have been better categorized into the I "trust-ed" category.
Lord, help me not place my faith, as the disciples did, in a past tense—"We trusted," but I am trust-ing.
In Luke 24, two disciples were traveling to a village called Emmaus…and they talked together of the things that had happened. While they were talking, Jesus joined them but they did not recognize Him. Jesus asked why they were talking with such intensity and sadness.
Incredulously, one disciple asked how could He possibly not know what had happened (thinking that He must be a stranger).
Ironically, they told Him the story of the crucifixion and resurrection.
Several months ago part of this passage perplexed me. Verse 21 says, "But we were hoping that it was He who was going to redeem Israel…" Hoping. Another version says, "We trusted." I don’t think that I had ever noticed the past tense usage before. But I could relate. But never more than now since my recent illness.
"I hoped that God would…" "I believed that God…."
In my blog, I have attempted to lay my Christian journey bare before you and here is another example wherein I want to be crystal-clear. My days in the hospital (especially after the blindness in my left eye) were not days filled with faith, but with fear.
I am SO grateful that God has chosen to work miraculously, but it has nothing to do with me.
I was fearful. I felt like the days of service to my family were coming to an end and wished that I had appreciated each day more. I cried a lot. Not out of anger at God but now as I reflect, I see so clearly how Satan used my emotions to manipulate me toward self-pity.
I remember one night under such attack, I simply could not remember ONE scripture verse. Not ONE.
Many days, I had to relay on David to assure me that God had a plan and was in complete control. I distinctly remember sitting at the kitchen table after I had been dismissed from the hospital with my little hands in David’s large ones as he explained to me that it is only after the refiner’s fire that the image of the Refiner can be seen. Through my tears and broken emotions, I was absolutely certain that it was the face of Christ that I wanted others to see and not "Amy." I simply did not understand God’s plan.
Although I do not know several of you who have recently commented on my blog, you have graciously prayed and lifted me to the Father through this valley of my life -- and this victory of God’s restoration is yours to share, too. If I could talk to each of you, no doubt, you would have stories of valleys too, that God has carried you through. But some have believed (May I be so bold?) only to encounter disappointment.
As Jesus walked along that road to Emmaus, He said to the disappointed sojourners, "O fools, and slow of heart to believe!" My Streams of the Desert devotional asks this: " Are we not in the same danger of having these words said to us? We can afford to lose anything and everything if we do not lose our faith in the God of truth and love."
I cannot begin to understand the path that God has chosen for me. I am so blessed and yet when adversity and trials advance and I can see neither "see" His hand or feel His presence, I am tempted to say with sadness, "I trusted."
For many of us, this story is common place and we know the completion. "…their (disciples) eyes were opened and they knew Him…and they rose up that very hour and said…The Lord is risen indeed…"
I wish I could say that my testimony during those long, lonely days was, "I am trusting." But I think that my faith would have been better categorized into the I "trust-ed" category.
Lord, help me not place my faith, as the disciples did, in a past tense—"We trusted," but I am trust-ing.
Comments
I read the comment you left on Beth Moore's blog.
I loved your post.
Seems like you have both eyes completely focused on your King!
Will pray for you.
Blessings,
Lelia
I will continue to pray for you Amy. And know that God does know that we are only human, and that no matter how hard we try, we all have our times of little faith. Sometimes it is so hard to trust. But He is always faithful, in spite of.
Wow! Our Pastor spoke on this very passage Easter Sunday. He brought out the concept that their past hope had been restored on Christ's resurrection. How easy it is for us to miss these beautiful lessons. Thanks so much for sharing yours.
Victoria